Monster Crash ch. 1

Dracula rose from his coffin as the sun went down and stretched his arms. He looked at his three wives and licked his chops tiredly "I am going to go downstairs for a Bloody Mary."

"Okay." said the redhead. "Bring us back something, darling."

Dracula groggily opened the door and walked down the stairs. He sat down on a bar stool and watched as floating bottle seemed to be thrown back and forth in midair.

"Evening Drac, what can I serve you tonight." said a voice.

"Give me a Bloody Mary."

"One Bloody Mary with real blood coming up."

Drac rubbed some sleep from his eyes. "You know Invisible Man, I would probably enjoy these drinks a lot more if you like wore a collar or something so I would know where  you are."

"Yeah I know, but when you own the place you can wear anything you want. Even if it's nothing at all!"

Dracula winced. "Maybe I'm better off not knowing where you are."

"Most likely, oh by the way it's time you paid rent for the room you and your wives are staying in."

"Oh right, hang on a second." Dracula dug into his pockets and pulled out an odd gold coin and tossed it at where he guessed the bar tender was.

"Another of these odd coins. Well here's your drink."

A wine glass filled with blood was placed infront of him. Drac enlongated two fangs and stuck them into the blood. In a matter of seconds it was gone.

"Give me another." said Drac.

"Alright but I got to say, you seem to be hitting them pretty hard tonight."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, usually you just get one and either go back up to your wives or go out for a 'bite' to eat."

"I had a really bad night last yesterday."

"What happened?"

"Well it started out same as always, I chased a couple of women down an alley but then when they saw me they screamed."

"So? You're a monster. People are supposed to scream when they see you."

"No I mean they screamed in excitment and joy."

"What?!"

"I know, I feel so dirty! And they kept throwing fruit at my feet for some reason!"

"Fruit??"

"I know, weird right? I don't know whether they thought I was a fruit bat or..."

"I think they were Twilight fangirls."

Dracula covered his eyes as he leaned on the counter.

"Oh for the love of all things unholy, not Twilight. That thing has put my reputation in the toilet! Do you know how hard it is to frighten people when they keep expecting you sparkle?!"

"You know...us Universal Monsters have to approve movies and books about our kinds regardless of how it may or may not turn out and I gotta ask..."

The second glass was placed on the counter.

"Why did I approve Twilight? I don't know I think I may have been on something. Blood was a lot easier to drink when you didn't have to worry if there was anything in it. People nowadays, we don't even have to kill them because they're already doing enough damage to themselves!"

"I heard that."

This time Drac didn't bother with his fangs and gulped it down.

"You know what really bugs me about Twilight?" asked Dracula.

"The fact that none of the vampires have fangs."

"No not that. I didn't start out with fangs either, I was even imune to sunlight for while. Now those were some interesting times."

"The baseball?"

"Okay besides that!"

"Edward sparkling in the sun?"

"Okay besides THAT!"

"I give up."

"Eddyboy impregnated a woman, human no less. Give me another."

Another glass full of blood was placed on the counter.

"What's so wrong with that?"

"He's supposed to be undead....you know...as in: Not. Alive."

"Oh."

"Yeah, nothing is supposed to move down there."

"Well then where do baby vampires come from?!"

"Oh that's simple. A girl vampire goes out, finds a baby, and bites'em. That simple."

"So it's the girl vampire that bites the baby?"

"Usually, I mean come on. When you're a guy vampire what would you want a baby vampire for?"

"Oh, I see."

"Give me another."

"I think you've had enough."

Dracula remarkably grabbed the Invisible Man by the top of his head and brought him up to what he presumed was eye level.

"Last night I just had a bunch giggling girls squeel about how I was going to become their 'Edward'. I! THINK! I! DESERVE! ANOTHER! DRINK!"

Dracula heard him gulp.

"Okay, you win...but...uh...how did you know where my head was?"

Dracula sighed and let him go. "I didn't, I guessed."

"Good guess."

"It's so hard for people to take your attacks seriously these days." mused Dracula.

The Invisible Man and Dracula were brought out of there thoughts as they were joined by a third monster, Wolfman.

"Hey Wolfman."

"Hey Invisi, give me a quick shot. I'm in a hurry tonight." Wolfman turned to Dracula and noted his depression. "What's with him?"

"Oh, Twilight." said Invisible Man.

"Oh really? Well Drac..." Without warning Wolfman punched Dracula in the side of the head.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"For putting werewolves in those stupid books without MY SAY SO!!! Just because you're kind gets to stray from the folklore and mythologoy doesn't mean you have to take MINE with you!!!"

"Wolf, I'm sorry but..."

"Ah forget it. I don't got time for this tonight anyways."

The Invisible Man placed Wolfman's drink on the counter. "Why's that? Hey...did...did you get rid of your fleas?"

"Oh you noticed? Yeah. I want to look my best tonight." He picked up his drink.

"Oh yeah? What for?" asked Drac.

"I, my dear fellow monsters, have actually found a Shewolf." he said smugly.

"No way."

"Seriously?" asked Dracula.

"Yep, and have to move while she's still in town. Always running that girl. Her name is Ginger."

"Wait a second...I know about her! She hates werewolves, herself included!" said the Invisible Man.

Wolfman quickly took a swig of his drink and smirked. "Yeah well her werewolves are different from me, I'm a lot harder to kill. Plus, I think I might be able to change her mind."

Wolfman started to walk towards the door.

"Wish me luck boys."

As Invisible Man and Dracula watched him leave, the Invisible Man shook his head.

"Do you think we should talk some sense into him?" asked the Invisible Man.

"What? And stop the show?" Dracula turned into a bat. "I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

"Have fun then."

"You're not coming?"

"No, those werewolves can smell me a mile away. I maybe a monster but uh momma didn't raise no fool."

"Suit yourself."

Dracula flew out the window and soared into the dark night sky.